I have a simple demand for exploitational, genre films like Deadgirl – if you’re going to bother opening the proverbial pandora’s box, you might as well open it up all the away. There’s nothing more frustrating than a half-assed horror flick that thinks it’s scarier and gorier than it actually is, relying on loud noises and spooky lighting to make up for terrible acting, poor screenwriting, and a spoiled high-concept hook.

The hook in question is that a bunch of rejects from the 90210 casting call are inexplicably digging through an abandoned insane asylum, where they open up a sealed off door, only to find a woman chained to a bed. We then learn that the woman is apparently unable to be killed, prompting the lads to do the obvious – fuck her relentlessly, poke holes in her for fun, and generally use her like some locker room sock.

Right, so it’s that kind of movie…

The film thus has a truly repulsive and potentially terrifying/enjoyable story line, but, aside from the obvious offensiveness of the central plot line, it unfolds with such patently amateur results. There’s zero suspense generated in any of the goings on, and the twenty-something’s playing high school students seem utterly out of their element. I spent more time worried about the “plumbing” issues than I did feeling any sense of dread.

The film lacks either a sense of irony, or the balls to go to the obvious limits that such a situation would present. There’s lots and lots of creepy, truly sick-as-hell directions that the film could have gone down, questions of gore and disgust that are touched upon and then dropped for what amounts to a pedestrian, gormless tale. The end result is neither disgusting enough to be shocking, nor interesting enough to remain compelling during a midnight screening.